024. Everything will get done
Permission to rest
I adore my new green planner. I carry her with me everywhere I go. She keeps me on task, and every completed item on the checklist gives me an unimaginable boost in dopamine.
Simultaneously, I’m feeling a little too beholden to the to-do list.
Point blank: I’m tired.
While there are a lot of reasons for me to feel tired *gestures erratically*, the logical solution would be to allow myself to rest.
And yet…I don’t. I haven’t. Not properly, at least.
Not to be that person~, but my sleep scores have generally been a lot better these last few weeks.
What I’m talking about is resting beyond what my body requires of me to fully function the next day.
I withhold rest, like it’s some treasure to be obtained through substantial effort.
But, isn’t finally writing things down on paper instead of keeping it all in my head enough of self-care? I did something for myself!
Somehow it doesn’t feel good to realize that I’ve been ingrained with only knowing reward from doing, and not being.
Rest requires some kind of negotiation.
Have I worked hard enough? I could probably work harder.
Have I earned this time to pause? There are other things I could be getting done.
Well, can it just wait? I’ll try to get to it later.
To be clear, there’s no competition at hand. Oftentimes, there aren’t even any looming deadlines.
So, if it’s not about keeping up or facing a ticking clock, who am I even trying to please?
Is it the weight from my parents or my ancestors? To let them know through my achievements that their sacrifice was worth it?
Or was their sacrifice ultimately so that I know less suffering, even if they’ve never truly knew ease themselves?
I might be in a battle with myself.
Struggle isn’t a measure of deservedness. Accomplishments aren’t simply about getting things done. These commitments to our basic needs are far greater than ourselves.
Can I allow myself to partake in rest – and joy – not just for pleasure but as a necessity?
Let me pencil some time in my calendar.
Further reading. Today’s topic was inspired by Cassandra’s newsletter, Kayla’s recent post, and conversations with other friends who have been feeling the same way.
I feel this way about all of my friends.
If you’ve made it this far, wow, I’m so grateful. I hope you’ve been enjoying reading these issues as much as I’ve enjoyed writing them! You being here means a lot to me as an independent writer 🫶
If you know someone who might also be interested in Going Somewhere, I’d be so appreciative if you could share it with them!
Hi! I’m Jolie, a content & UX writer based in Boston, MA. For writing opportunities, get in touch here. Have questions or just want to say hi? Drop a comment or send me a DM 📬